From where I was six years ago to where I find myself now, I would not have thought it possible or even considered it. In my mind, I had found myself at a dead-end; I no longer knew where the interstate was, nor did I care to find it. I had given up on life. I ran so far away from God I lost sight of Him. I saw life through a dirty lens of cynicism. I became a misanthropic drunken loner. I disliked the majority of humanity, thinking them immoral, unethical, lacking integrity, and revolting malcontents. I ran away from society and the western culture I was a part of because I was one of them and did not want to be part of them any longer.
God, however, never gave up on me. He was calling me to Him, but I was too nearsighted to see Him. So He led me through my wrong choices and decisions right up to the foot of His cross, so all I had to do was look up and see His outstretched arm reaching down to me, and grabbing it I never looked back.
I sometimes wavered, thinking His ways were too hard for me, but with His help, I overcame my struggles and fears, pressing on because Jesus was and is my only option. It is Jesus or die for me.
Since I am still profoundly pressing in, I have grown in my love for Jesus and His character striving daily with the help and working of the Holy Spirit to emulate Him in every way. My passion for Jesus compounds daily, and I strive deeper into His word to know Him completely. Jesus reveals something new about Himself every time I read, pray and reflect (journal).
I ask Him questions when I speak with Him and talk about what I am reading. He always has an answer in a commentary, another verse, a book, or making a connection to life circumstances. The more I grow in my love for Jesus, the more I grow in my love for others and myself.
When I rise, and when I am ready to retire for the night, I ask God to search my heart in my daily reflections. I then ask Him for forgiveness. Many times I ask Him why I do the things I do. He inevitably leads me to the solution's answer or the beginning of an answer. Directing me to read on later in my devotional time or a task to work on as a daily growth practice.
My heart burns with the desire to help others and walk with them through their struggles, helping them find direction in their relationship with Jesus. Because of my love for Him, I genuinely like who I am and whom I am continuing to grow into.
Recently God has been leading me through reflection and prayer in the book of Ezekiel. The parallels between His calling on Ezekiel's life and where God is directing me are uncanny and supernatural. As I am reading where God led Ezekiel, I am hearing where He is sending me, what I am to do, who I am encountering when I get there, the character of those I minister to, and not to be discouraged.
My spiritual growth has become just that, a supernatural, uncanny daily experience of God, the Holy Spirit, and my relationship with Jesus. I hunger for more and never seem to grow tired of praising His name and living the life He is directing me in for His Glory.